Colorado officials confirmed Friday that the state’s “hunters and anglers” seat on the Parks and Wildlife Commission will continue to be filled using Colorado’s proven appointment standard of finding somebody who appears to have wandered in from an entirely different argument.
The latest fight comes ahead of a Senate hearing on three Gov. Jared Polis appointees to the commission, with Colorado’s largest coalition of hunters, anglers, and wildlife conservation groups urging lawmakers to reject two of them. Which, in fairness, is always an awkward moment for a representation process built on the exciting premise that the people being represented should shut up and be grateful.
At issue is a commission that keeps getting sold as balanced, depoliticized, and unifying right up until members start appearing to have been assembled by a wolf Tumblr account and a governor’s office intern with a list of people who hate elk camps. One nominee, John Emerick, is tied to Colorado Wild and the Rocky Mountain Wolf Project, while critics say he signed a petition pushing to reduce wolf depredation compensation and never recused himself on related votes. Colorado’s new standard for conflict of interest, sources said, is apparently “only if you show up to the hearing wearing a wolf.”
Another appointee, Christopher Sichko, was tapped for the sportsmen’s seat despite opponents saying he lacks the experience to represent hunters and anglers, a constituency that inconveniently funds 85% of CPW’s wildlife budget. State officials said this should not be viewed as a problem, because the modern purpose of a stakeholder seat is no longer to include stakeholders, but to gently humiliate them in public until they stop expecting the government to know what words mean.
“We are committed to authentic representation,” said a senior process consultant standing ankle-deep in the smoking crater of the word “authentic.” “That’s why we’ve worked hard to ensure hunters are represented by people who have heard of wildlife, ranchers are represented by wolf enthusiasts, and outfitters are represented by someone actual outfitters had to Google.”
The hearing also revives the commission’s recent tradition of nominees arriving with only a passing relationship to the people or places they’re supposed to know. In 2024, one parks nominee admitted she’d barely visited state parks, while another sportsmen nominee came with Defenders of Wildlife baggage hanging off him like burrs on a Lab. One got rejected by committee and later confirmed anyway, because nothing says accountability like losing the first vote and still getting the job.
Polis, announcing two of the current picks, said they would “bring people together” and “move away from politicization.” Which is true in the same sense that dropping wolves into ranch country was a great way to lower tensions by giving everyone a common scream.
“This board is not anti-hunting,” an official familiar with the appointments explained. “It simply believes the best way to work with hunters is to take their money, ignore their recommendations, and then accuse them of being too emotional when they notice.”
By next week, the Senate will decide whether Colorado Parks and Wildlife should remain a wildlife commission or complete its transition into an outdoor-themed hostage video.
Source: Colorado Politics
Just Stop It
Add comment